


Not Ideal

by sputnik



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mpreg, One Shot, assuming nile is not married to marie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 02:48:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7490250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sputnik/pseuds/sputnik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erwin and Nile's world was an inconvenient one...more so if they are having a child.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Ideal

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Français available: [Not Ideal](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7592743) by [xLouisa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xLouisa/pseuds/xLouisa)



> This one-shot was very inspired by an art trade I did with someone on deviantArt (I'm still making their part of the trade and hopefully I can finish it soon!) called "Your Hair, My Eyes...". Their story is way better than mine, plus they don't have the angst that I'm more synonymous with. This is also my first time posting an EruNile story online, and my first take on writing mpreg!Nile. Whatever it is, enjoy! Oh, and do read the fic that inspired this...it's honestly so good. ♥

“I’m pregnant.”

Just two words. Two words that came out from the dark-haired man after such a long silence in the air between them. But those were enough to put a screeching halt in Erwin’s thoughtful mind.

Without averting his eyes away from the document in his hand, Erwin asked, in a rather nonchalant way; “Is the baby mine?”

Another silent moment awkwardly filled the air. But Erwin didn’t have to wait long for the reply to know that the answer was “yes”. With a quiet sigh, Erwin’s train of thought chugged on once more. This time with a different input and planning. 

It was inconvenient enough that the one night stand with his best friend tend to be the night when they both were equally fertile. To know that in their drunken stupor and empty promises, he managed to impregnate him (or perhaps his birth control medication didn’t caught up in time with their little escapade?) was only making the situation worse. 

Erwin knew he didn’t mean it to happen. Hell, he didn’t want it to happen. 

Erwin was the Commander of the Survey Corps. A public figure. A hero. The civilians looked up to him, his soldiers admired him. And most of his time was spent on ensuring that he stayed the person people perceived him as, even if it meant not having a family...much less a child.

Having a family was inconvenient. It wasn’t ideal.

But there they were, in Erwin’s office, sitting on each end of the sofa, with Erwin holding his firm stance as if he was listening to military orders, and his partner with his arms around his own chest...most probably to stop himself from shaking with the mixed emotions Erwin no doubt had been hovering on his every being ever since he stepped in his office.

The silence was getting heavier by the second. It took a good three minutes for Erwin to finally break it.

“That’s unfortunate.” Erwin let out a sigh again; this time a little audible than he had hoped for. “You know I am not in a position to have a family. I’m not ready to be a parent. If I do, I would have married someone by now.”

“...so would I.”

“True.” Erwin placed the papers in his hand on the coffee table in front of him and bent over, with his hands clasped together and his elbows supported the weight of his body on his thighs. 

“It is not ideal for either of us to have a baby. Especially now. I am to prepare for future expeditions outside the walls. You have, well, criminals to catch and citizens to protect...”

The blonde man glanced at his friend briefly. Erwin knew he was listening, calculating...but the way he stared at the edge of the coffee table, and with one hand carefully straying and holding the part of his stomach where the baby was indeed growing inside...as if to prevent the unborn child from hearing their bitter conversation.

Erwin could almost feel a knot tying slowly in his chest at the sight.

“It is not ideal,” Erwin repeated like a mantra for him to stay strong with his opinion. 

“I understand. I...I know what to do.” Erwin noticed the shaky smile on his partner’s flushed face. It was definitely not genuine. A fake laugh ensued and Erwin swore another knot just tied itself in his throat at the sound of it.

“I know what to do,” the dark-haired man repeated. “I’ll ab– I’ll abort the baby. It’s not that hard. I’ll go to that place again and...and get the baby removed. It’s not too late. Then we can go on with our lives like nothing happened...”

Erwin’s eyes widened. ‘Again’? What did he mean, ‘again’? Erwin straightened his back and leaned back into the couch; carefully scanning his friend, who now seemed more vulnerable than ever.

“...don’t tell me–“

“I’m sorry, Erwin....I shouldn’t have disturbed you like this.” The other man stood up and ready to leave the room; still struggling to smile. “I know you’re busy and it’s not my place to waste your time on mundane things.

“I will get the baby aborted. I promise.” He continued as he paced quickly to the door; not wanting to stay in the heavy atmosphere any longer. Unlucky for him, Erwin managed to catch up with his movements, and Erwin’s strong hand barred his friend from opening the door. Erwin used his other hand to hold on the other’s shoulder; ensuring him that he wanted nothing more than a question in his mind answered.

They both stared at each other, and Erwin only then noticed the hurtful tears welling in his best friend’s eyes. The view made Erwin frantically find the right words to say what he wanted to say. Causing any more pain to the other would absolutely tie another heavy knot in him.

“...did you...have done this before?” Erwin swallowed. This conversation was bitter indeed. 

‘“This isn’t the first...right? How many times have you abort a baby?”

Once more, the dark-haired man glanced away; this time his perfect green irises fixed itself upon the door handle, almost as if he was hoping he could reach it and escape the questions. Yet the only thing he let escape was the tears.

“Twice...three times maybe.” Another fake smile. “D-don’t worry, Erwin. They’re not yours.”

Erwin’s face dropped to the confession. Not exactly for the fact that this man in front of him may be sleeping with a man, or men, whom Erwin wasn’t aware of...but for the possibility that he had gone through this same conversation two or three times before, and had left just as devastated.

Being a person who was known to be very observant, especially on people, the man noticed the conflict brewing in Erwin’s head and decided to help him disperse the uncertainty.

“It’s not easy being in the Military Police, Erwin. There are so many things I had to do...uphold the peace within the walls, making sure other divisions get their supplies on time, combat corruption as best as I could...

“Sometimes...sometimes I had to do things...I had to please people. Even though I don’t want to open my legs and–“

Not another word. Erwin decided so as he wrapped both his arms around his partner.

Erwin could feel the tensed muscles in his embrace, and after a short while a soft tremble strutted in; Erwin was sure the fabric of his military coat was then soaked with the other man’s sobs.

“I was being selfish earlier. Forgive me...I didn’t know. I should have known...I should have...”

Of course Erwin should have known. He did have his suspicions whenever they had those nights of being frisky with each other in a clustered and dusty storeroom, or in the back alley on a quiet afternoon. The way his partner flinched at every touch and refusing a little voyeur of the part between his legs...

True he suspected something wasn’t right with his friend. But he never would have thought it was...this bad.

“...I love you, Erwin...” the man mumbled against Erwin’s broad shoulder; not precisely caring if Erwin heard him or not. “I know it’s hard to raise a child in our positions, in this...war-infected life we live in...but I...I really hope I could keep this one...because it’s yours...I know it’s yours...”

Erwin sighed and kissed the other’s forehead tenderly. 

“It is not ideal. To keep the baby.”

“I know it’s not...”

“But it’s doable.” Another kiss on the forehead and Erwin could feel the shorter man relaxed in his arms. “We...we just have to figure it out.”

The thoughts ran in Erwin’s mind again; picking up bits of dreams and computing them in several strategies for their future – their baby’s future – and see which could work the best. Either of them could quit their jobs, perhaps plan an escape route to the mountains if things were out of control with the war against the giants...they could try to build a good life for their child, and making sure they wouldn’t go through the same hell they both had experienced as kids...

“I know it is hard to raise a child with how we are...it is not ideal.”

“But it’s doable. I understand, Erwin. But it’s fine if you don’t think I should keep it; if the timing or the situation isn’t right...”

“No. No. Let’s have the baby. You wanted it. And I admit I do as well...regardless the circumstances.”

A smile on his face. Despite the wet traces on his cheeks, Erwin could tell that this time, the smile was genuine. The smile was of bliss. Erwin couldn’t help but return the smile, and carefully he locked his lips with the dark-haired man still in his embrace.

Whatever their plans for the baby would be, Erwin knew he had to start with something.

He had to start with the man in front of him.

His best friend. His partner. His first love.

“I love you, Erwin.”

“...I love you, too...Nile.”


End file.
